KARIN AND ANDERS

Originally we thought it would be nice to be introduced to the carnival that Gav had created around the Big Bone through the eyes of a couple of Swedish tourists. Then we thought no, we'll be like Gav and just dive straight in. Incidentally 'have a squiz' means take a look and 'a sanger' is a sandwich.

Karin Nilsson was studying a photo of an indigenous rock painting when she was startled by a sharp screech of brakes and a seatbelt biting hard into her chest. She suddenly found her face was buried in the pages of her tourist guide.

‘Är du ok?’ her brother Anders said from the driver’s seat.

‘Ja. Vad hände?’ Karin asked, regaining her composure.

‘Jag körde nästa över den där lilla kvinnan,’ Anders explained, pointing ahead.

Karin looked up and saw Judy Buckley standing quite nonchalantly in the middle of the narrow, unsealed road. A bulky man hurried in and bundled her off. He came across to Anders’ window and shoved his big head right in.

‘You all right?’ Gav Buckley asked with loud concern.

‘Yes. We are okay. Is there some trouble with the small woman?’ Anders asked.

‘Oh no. She’s right. It’s my missus,’ Gav said, offering no further explanation.

‘Ah, yes…’ Anders said doubtfully and glanced at the perplexed Karin.

‘You folk tourists?’ Gav asked, his head still only a few centimetres away from Anders’ face.

‘Yes. From Sweden,’ Karin answered.

‘Thought you were. You young tourists always get about in this sort of vehicle. Spot ’em a mile away.’

‘Oh, yes, of course. We- ’ Anders started to say but was cut off by Gav.

‘Say, you folks want to see something real interesting?’

‘Well…I don’t- ’

‘It’s not on the tourist maps yet. It’s new. It’s an archaeological site. Look,’ Gav said and pulled his head out of the car at last. He stepped back and showed off the extremely tight T-shirt he was wearing. It featured a crude line drawing of a bone with the words Gav’s Big Bone printed underneath. ‘I’m Gav. I discovered it.’

‘Oh, many congratulations,’ Anders said.

‘Biggest bone you ever saw. Still digging it up. Want to come and have a squiz?’

‘Well…um…we would love to have some squiz but we would rather be in a different place instead,’ Anders said courteously.

‘Sure? Won’t take long and it’s cheap,’ Gav urged.

Anders looked ahead. Judy Buckley was now standing right in front of his car staring back blankly at him.

 

‘Hey, you know, why not?’ Anders said, throwing caution to the wind. ‘Let’s check out your big bone.’

Gav stopped his truck and politely let Anders and Karin turn into the narrow dirt road that led to the end paddock of Gav’s property. He then drove at breakneck speed right on their tail, completely overlooking the fact that the Swedish tourists hadn’t driven down this road a million times before. Every time Anders increased his speed to avoid Gav’s gigantic bull bar, Gav increased his own, until Anders and Karin finally shot into Gav’s end paddock like terrified gazelles.

Karin and Anders collected their wits and then were amazed by the scene before them. It was like a circus but without any elephants. There were a number of cars, a couple of mini vans and even a full sized coach. A rust-streaked caravan sold T-shirts and small replicas of the Big Bone of Buckley while Gav’s gourmet sausages were methodically incinerated over a ferocious, barely contained fire. Gav almost miraculously appeared at Karin’s window.

‘Come on. I’ll take you over,’ Gav said keenly.

‘Oh yes. Sure, let’s go,’ Karin said as they got out.

‘That’s twenty-five bucks a head. Includes a sanger.’

‘Oh a sanger. Fantastic,’ Karin said as she checked her bag and pulled out only a few dollars. ‘I don’t think we have enough- ’

‘We take plastic. Visa. MasterCard,’ Gav said cheerfully then bellowed to the caravan. ‘Jude! Bring us the clicker!’ He mimed the action of a credit card imprinter and Judy promptly trotted over with it.

After Karin and Anders had been relieved of their next five days’ petrol budget, Gav led them to the plywood bone replica that had The Legend Of Gav’s Big Bone written on it in still wet paint. The tale included several large photos of Gav re-enacting the moment of the object’s discovery - driving his tractor, digging the soil and uncovering the tip of the bone – dressed throughout in a brand new suit and expensive crocodile skin boots.

Karin and Anders looked out upon a hive of activity. There were people everywhere: some digging, some posing for photos, and yet more pouring tomato sauce over their complimentary gourmet sausages. Piles of fresh earth grew alongside the giant, bone-shaped object as it was slowly revealed. Karin searched for her sunglasses as the bone’s gleaming whiteness blazed in the morning sunshine.

‘Betcha never seen too many bones like that before,’ Gav said proudly.

‘No. It’s very unique,’ Karin said, genuinely impressed.

‘Shovel?’ Gav asked.

The two Swedes turned and saw that Judy Buckley was standing right beside them with an armful of shovels of varying sizes. Despite the tremendous weight of so many tools, the strain didn’t seem to show upon her face.

‘Be a real archaeologist for a day. Help dig up Gav’s Big Bone,’ Gav announced.

‘Look Mr Buckley!’ an excited voice called out from the site. It belonged to one of a group of school children holding shovels and wearing T-shirts bearing the logo: I Dig Gav’s Big Bone. ‘We’ve dug up lots of dirt!’

‘You’ve done a mighty job, champ. All of you,’ Gav said cheerily.

‘Can we dig some more?’ the boy asked.

‘Sure you can. Just get your teacher to bring over her little plastic card again and you can go for another hour,’ Gav told them with a wide smile.

‘Mrs Frost!’ The children ran off, squealing with excitement.

‘So, want to help dig some bone?’ Gav asked Karin and Anders.

‘Well, if it’s some important finding. Yes, we would like to help,’ Karin answered.

‘That’s the spirit! Dig up some history,’ Gav said, handing over a pair of soil-caked shovels. ‘Only fifteen dollars each plus shovel hire.’